Task 2 Agree Disagree - Band 5.0 to 6.5 - Shopping Online

Here is the question: 
The growth of online shopping will one day lead to all shops in towns and cities closing. Do you agree or disagree?

ES Student's response:
It is argued that all stores in towns and cities will close because of the familiarity of online shoping. I totaly disagree with this statement due to experience as well as job opportunity.

To begin with, shopping in market place on application not give experience compare to offline store, potentially leads to satisfied. This is because come to sotre direcly support people to try on the stuff which want to buy. By coming to phisycal store costumer can comunicate direcly to the owner or staff, and possible for them to do bargain. For example, in Bandung, 65% of young people tend to shopping cloths in mall Cimahi since they can look the material also the can try the cloths which size that suit for them.

Therefore, the existence of physical store contribute to the employment, and significanlly give positive impact to prosperity. In simple term, offline big store need employees to handle al visitors so, this is a chance for citizens who want to apply their resume to get career. For example, In developed country such Paris, 45% of citizens' economic are helped since this country is known as fashion country, and many offline sotre with barnded brand hire people to handle the costumer properly. Moreover, by hiring employees the stores are able to give exelent service to buyers.

In conclusion, online shopping will not be able to replace the sense of memorable experience and canche career of physical store. Where possible Offline shop addope new strategy to attract the costumer.

Ayo Kita Marking Tulisan Peserta IELTS GT-WHV English Studio

Task Response

• Band Level: 5
  • Comments: You address the task and present a position on the topic. However, the response lacks clear development and support for your arguments. Your ideas are relevant but not fully extended or supported with clear examples and explanations.

Coherence and Cohesion

• Band Level: 5
  • Comments: The essay is organized into paragraphs, but the logical flow is often unclear. There are issues with cohesion, as ideas are not always linked smoothly. Transitional phrases are used, but not always appropriately or effectively.

Lexical Resource

• Band Level: 5
  • Comments: Vocabulary use is adequate but limited. There are some attempts at less common vocabulary, but there are frequent errors in word choice and usage (e.g., "familiarity of online shoping," "shopping in market place on application"). Spelling errors are also present (e.g., "totaly," "phisycal," "costumer").

Grammatical Range and Accuracy

• Band Level: 4
  • Comments: There are frequent grammatical errors that impede understanding, including issues with subject-verb agreement, verb tense, and article use. Sentence structures are often simple and repetitive, with attempts at complex sentences that are often inaccurate.

Overall Band Score: 5

Recommendations for Improvement:

Task Response:

• Develop your ideas more fully with clear examples and explanations. For instance, explain more about why physical stores provide a better shopping experience.
• Ensure each paragraph has a clear main idea that is well-supported.

Coherence and Cohesion:

• Improve the logical flow of your essay by using appropriate linking words and phrases (e.g., "Moreover," "Additionally," "For instance").
• Make sure each paragraph transitions smoothly to the next.

Lexical Resource:

• Expand your vocabulary by learning synonyms and related terms. For example, instead of "experience as well as job opportunity," you could use "unique shopping experiences and employment opportunities."
• Check for spelling and usage errors.

Grammatical Range and Accuracy:

• Practice using a variety of sentence structures, including complex sentences.
• Review grammar rules, particularly subject-verb agreement, verb tenses, and article use.
• Proofread your essay to correct grammatical errors and improve sentence clarity.

Revised Essay - Band 6.5

It is argued that all stores in towns and cities will close due to the rise of online shopping. I totally disagree with this statement because of the unique experiences physical stores offer and the employment opportunities they create.

To begin with, shopping in physical stores provides a unique experience that online shopping cannot match. When people visit a store directly, they can try on items and inspect them closely before making a purchase. This leads to greater satisfaction compared to online shopping, where such experiences are limited. For example, in Bandung, 65% of young people prefer shopping for clothes at Mall Cimahi because they can see the material and try on clothes to find the right fit.

Furthermore, physical stores contribute significantly to employment and have a positive impact on the economy. Large offline stores require staff to assist customers, creating numerous job opportunities. For example, in developed countries like France, known for its fashion industry, many offline stores hire employees to provide excellent customer service. This employment helps boost the economy, with 45% of citizens in Paris benefiting from jobs in physical stores.

In conclusion, online shopping cannot replace the memorable experiences and career opportunities provided by physical stores. Offline shops can adopt new strategies to attract customers and remain relevant.

Task Response

• Band Level: 7
  • Comments: The essay presents a clear position throughout and addresses the task effectively. The main ideas are developed and supported with relevant examples (e.g., the example of Mall Cimahi and the fashion industry in France).

Coherence and Cohesion

• Band Level: 7
  • Comments: The essay is well-organized with clear paragraphing. Ideas are logically sequenced, and cohesive devices are used effectively to guide the reader through the response. However, there is room for improvement in making transitions even smoother.

Lexical Resource

• Band Level: 6
  • Comments: The vocabulary is appropriate and varied, though not always used precisely (e.g., "unique experience" and "memorable experiences" are a bit repetitive). There are minor issues with word choice but they do not impede understanding.

Grammatical Range and Accuracy

• Band Level: 6
  • Comments: The essay demonstrates a good range of grammatical structures, including complex sentences. However, there are occasional grammatical errors and awkward phrasing (e.g., "developed countries like France" should be "developed countries such as France"). The accuracy is generally good, but more precision is needed for a higher band.

Overall Band Score: 6.5

Recommendations for Further Improvement:

Task Response:

• Continue to provide specific and detailed examples to support your arguments.
• Ensure every paragraph thoroughly develops its main idea with clear explanations.

Coherence and Cohesion:

• Work on making transitions between paragraphs even smoother with appropriate linking phrases.
• Ensure that each sentence within a paragraph clearly relates to the main idea of the paragraph.

Lexical Resource:

• Aim to use a wider range of vocabulary to avoid repetition.
• Ensure precise word choice to enhance clarity and sophistication.

Grammatical Range and Accuracy:

• Continue practicing complex sentence structures while focusing on accuracy.
• Proofread to catch and correct minor grammatical errors and awkward phrasing.

Informal Letter - Band 5 to 7 - Advertisement

Questions

You have seen an advertisement in an Australian magazine for someone to live with a family for six months and look after their six-year-old child.

Write a letter to the parents. In your letter

• explain why you would like the job
• give details of why you would be a suitable person to employ
• say how you would spend your free time while you are in Australia

Write at least 150 words.

ES Student's response: 

Dear Sir or Madam,

I am writing this letter to express my interest in the opportunity living with your family and taking care your kid.

The reason I interes to this position is my passion for childcare and cultural exchange. I have one year experince of taking care childern, and I feel happy when I spend my time to teach them new games and my native language.

I am on my study project that I have to do research about another country cultural and tradition. I believe that live with your family not only I can chennel my hobby to teach your kid, but also I can get knowlage from you.

Usually, in my leisure time I often go to public park or go to art museum. Moreover, I like cleaning the house as well as to do gardening.

I look forward to hear from you to discuss this opportunity further.

Yours faithfully,

Kartini Debora

Ayo Kita Marking Tulisan Peserta IELTS GT-WHV English Studio 

Task Achievement

• Band Level: 5
  • Comments: You address all parts of the task by expressing interest in the position, explaining why you are interested, and describing your qualifications and interests. However, the letter lacks specific details and development in some areas, such as how your experience aligns with the needs of the family and more information about your study project.

Coherence and Cohesion

• Band Level: 5
  • Comments: Your letter has a logical structure and sequence, but the connections between ideas are sometimes unclear or awkward. The paragraphs are organized, but the flow of information can be improved. Linking words and cohesive devices are used, but not always accurately or effectively.

Lexical Resource

• Band Level: 5
  • Comments: Your vocabulary is appropriate for the task, but there are some errors and awkward phrases that affect clarity, such as "interes to this position," "get knowlage," and "chennel my hobby." You demonstrate some ability to use less common vocabulary, but there are frequent mistakes.

Grammatical Range and Accuracy

• Band Level: 4
  • Comments: There are frequent grammatical errors that reduce clarity, such as incorrect verb forms ("I am on my study project"), missing articles ("taking care childern"), and incorrect prepositions ("taking care your kid"). Sentence structures are generally simple, and complex structures are attempted but often inaccurate.

Overall Band Score: 5

Recommendations for Improvement:

Task Achievement:

• Provide more specific details about your childcare experience and how it would benefit the family.
• Explain your study project in more detail and how living with the family will help you achieve your goals.

Coherence and Cohesion:

• Use more linking words to improve the flow between ideas (e.g., "Furthermore," "In addition," "As a result").
• Ensure each paragraph has a clear main idea and that they connect logically.

Lexical Resource:

• Expand your vocabulary by learning more synonyms and phrases related to childcare and cultural exchange.
• Check for proper word usage and collocations (e.g., "interested in this position," "gain knowledge").

Grammatical Range and Accuracy:

• Practice using a variety of sentence structures, including complex sentences.
• Review grammar rules, especially for verb tenses, articles, and prepositions.
• Proofread your work or use grammar-checking tools to identify and correct errors.

Revised Letter - Band 7.0

Dear Sir or Madam,

I am writing to express my interest in the opportunity to live with your family and take care of your child.

The reason I am interested in this position is my passion for childcare and cultural exchange. I have one year of experience taking care of children, and I feel fulfilled when I spend time teaching them new games and my native language.

Currently, I am working on a study project that requires research into another country's culture and traditions. I believe that living with your family will not only allow me to engage in my hobby of teaching children but also provide me with valuable knowledge about your culture.

In my leisure time, I often visit public parks and art museums. Additionally, I enjoy cleaning the house and gardening.

I look forward to hearing from you to discuss this opportunity further.

Yours faithfully,

Kartini Debora

Breakdown of Improvements:

Task Achievement:

• Specific Details: Added details about your childcare experience and how it benefits the family.
• Clear Purpose: Explained your study project in more detail, linking it to the position.

Coherence and Cohesion:

• Logical Flow: Improved the logical flow and connections between ideas.
• Clear Paragraphs: Ensured each paragraph has a clear main idea and connects logically.

Lexical Resource:

• Appropriate Vocabulary: Used appropriate and varied vocabulary (e.g., "fulfilled," "valuable knowledge").
• Natural Phrases: Used natural collocations (e.g., "interested in this position," "valuable knowledge").

Grammatical Range and Accuracy:

• Correct Grammar: Corrected grammatical errors (e.g., "I am interested," "taking care of children").
• Varied Sentence Structures: Used a variety of sentence structures, including complex sentences (e.g., "I believe that living with your family will not only...").

Additional Tips to Achieve Band 7:

1. Provide Specific Examples: Mention specific activities you did while caring for children.
2. Use Advanced Vocabulary: Incorporate more sophisticated vocabulary and phrases related to childcare and cultural exchange.
3. Complex Sentences: Use more complex sentence structures to show a higher level of grammatical control.
4. Proofread: Always proofread your letter to correct any remaining errors in spelling, grammar, or punctuation.

Contoh membuat “EXAMPLE WRITING TASK 2”

 • Topic sentence 
One reason why having vehicle-free zones in city centres is beneficial is that it helps increase the economic performance of local businesses, leading to unlocking full potential of city revenues

• Explanation
This is because having no traffic means fewer roads, less noise, and more space for pedestrians, which in turn means that the shopping experience is more pleasant and relaxing, attracting more consumers to buy products from local providers, thus, increasing their profits.

• Example
Saat membuat EXAMPLE, pastikan General Idea yang ada di topic sentence dan/atau explanation dibuat detail, seperti contoh: 

• City Centers: Surabaya
• Increase the economic/ revenues: 50% growth
• More spaces: three or four times larger than regular days
• Buy products: foods/clothes/toys

For example, every Sunday in Surabaya the road is free from cars and motorbikes, and this turns the area three or four times larger than regular days. Also, this event successfully attracts more than thousands of locals and tourists to come and buy foods, clothes, and toys resulting in a 50% rise in income of the event

Putting them together: 
One reason why having vehicle-free zones in city centres is beneficial is that it helps increase the economic performance of local businesses, leading to unlocking full potential of city revenues. This is because having no traffic means fewer roads, less noise, and more space for pedestrians, which in turn means that the shopping experience is more pleasant and relaxing, attracting more consumers to buy products from local providers, thus, increasing their profits. For example, every Sunday in Surabaya the road is free from cars and motorbikes, and this turns the area three or four times larger than regular days. Also, this event successfully attracts more than thousands of locals and tourists to come and buy foods, clothes, and toys resulting in a 50% rise in income of the event

Bandingkan dengan contoh Band 7.0:
One compelling argument for implementing vehicle-free zones in city centers is their significant positive impact on the economic vitality of local businesses, thereby optimizing city revenues to their fullest potential. The absence of vehicular traffic translates into diminished road congestion, reduced noise pollution, and expanded pedestrian space, fostering a more enjoyable and tranquil shopping environment. Consequently, such environments entice greater numbers of consumers to patronize local establishments, thereby augmenting their profitability. For instance, in Surabaya, the absence of cars and motorbikes every Sunday magnifies the area's accessibility, attracting throngs of both residents and tourists. This influx results in a substantial surge in sales of various goods, including food, clothing, and toys, ultimately yielding a remarkable 50% increase in event revenue.

Cara Tepat Menyusun Paragraf OUTWEIGH Task 2 IELTS

 

Menulis ESSAY OUTWEIGH sedikit berbeda dengan tipe paragaf esai IELTS Task 2. Berikut contoh bagaimana paragraf ini disusun: 

ESSAY IELTS TASK 1 GT WHV: Problem with a Piece of Equipment (Formal Letter)

Kali ini saya akan membagikan sample Letter Task 1, untuk teman-teman GT WHV English Studio yang rencana Minggu depan (24-29 Feb) pada persiapan ujian IELTS. 

Well, saya doakan juga semoaga WAR SDUWHV di 04 Maret besok dilancarkan ya

Berikut sample Letter Task 1. Diperhatikan baik-baik bagaimana saya menjawab semua poin bullet yang diberikan. 

Semoga ujian teman-teman lancar ya :

 

You work at home and have a problem with a piece of equipment that you use for your job. Write a letter to the shop or company which supplied the equipment. 

In your letter
•  Describe the problem with the equipment.
•  Explain how this problem is affecting your work.
•  Say what you want the shop or company to do.


Dear Sir or Madam,
I am writing this letter to complain about a problem with the laptop that I bought from your shop two weeks ago, which I use to work from home.

This problem is that the the battery lasts 30 minutes, and I have to keep it plugged in all the time, which does not fulfill a laptop function and therefore, it has become like a desktop computer. In addition, the charger sometimes has short circuits, which is dangerous not only for my health but can also damage the laptop.

This issue affects my job because when I have to go to another place in my house, I cannot bring the laptop. I sometimes have to go to the balcony or the rooftop, where there are no plugs, to do my job or to have online meetings, especially when my children are present.

I would like you to send me a new laptop soon. I use it every day for my job, so I am not able to wait for a technician to repair it and send it back to me. Besides, I do not want a repaired one because I have used it only for two weeks.

Yours faithfully,
Riri Amanda

Seperti di atas contoh penulisan Letter Formal yang dapatkan dijadikan referensi saat teman-teman ujian besok. If you have any question, you can reach me out to my IG @englishstudio / @eddysuaib

ESSAY IELTS TASK 2: Positive or Negative Development - Receive Vaccinations COVID-19

In many nations, it is becoming mandatory for all to receive vaccinations in order to prevent the spread of disease. Do you think this is a positive or negative development?

read my sample essay:

A must-have vaccination for all people to prevent virus transmission is commonly seen today. While this negatively brings side effects for some, I think this is violated as breaking people’s right. 

One reason why making vaccinations mandatory is a negative development is because medical scientists have not tested a vaccine for all the possible side effects that might have, affecting people’s health condition. That is to say, if there is a sudden outburst of disease, then there is a short period to do all the needed clinical trials to support the effectiveness of the vaccine fully. Without thoroughly long-term clinical trials, any vaccine might be dubious. For instance, in 1970-71, in the former Yugoslavia, many children were born with physical disabilities after their pregnant mothers took the mandatory Smallpox vaccine, even though there were done several clinical trials.

What is more, when vaccination for any diseases becomes mandatory, people do not have the right to decide freely, and they might be felt alienated. In other words, freedom of choice is one of the key principles of democratic societies, which is guaranteed by the law. Moreover, if people are not vulnerable to particular diseases, and their immunity is strong, then there is no reason of being vaccinated for a particular disease. For example, one of the most cited reasons by anti-vaxxers for non-getting the Corona vaccine is that their freedom of choice is seriously undermined, and as this might violate people’s rights, it can trigger a rejection leading to chaos

In conclusion, the idea that getting vaccinated is a must for all people to prevent virus transmission is not justifiable as this causes side effects and human rights violates. Where possible, all should get vaccinated for better results, with the exception of those who have problems with ages or certain diseases are not supposed to be

Eddy Suaib - Mentor IELTS Founder English Studio Indonesia

Silahkan dibaca baik-baik contoh di atas, jika ada ditanyakan, silahkan DM saya di Instagram: @eddysuaib / INSTAGRAM ENGLISH STUDIO: @englishstudio

Dan jika kamu tertarik mengikuti kelas IELTS ONLINE via Whatsapp saya, silahkan kontak ke 0813.1818.6060 atau kunjungi website  ENGLISH STUDIO INDONESIA

ESSAY IELTS TASK 1: the Recycling Process of Aluminium Cans

These pictures depict how aluminum cans are recycled in the UK.

Overall, it is a six-stage, linear, man-made process. It begins with collecting aluminum cans and results in a significant progress in repurposing soft drinks’ cans. 

Initially, empty cans are collected in special bins placed in neighborhoods. Then, they are gathered and transported to the next stage where all cans are washed and sorted. Now, cleaned cans are shredded to small pieces by a shredding machine and compressed to cube shapes. At this point, aluminum cubes are heated inside a massive kiln to prepare the input of the next phase. 

After accomplishing some stages, molten aluminum is rolled to form special sheets with a thickness of 2.5 and 6 millimeter. Then, these sheets are moved to two companies, namely Jones Can and Fizzo Drinks, and here new cans are made. Finally, they are filled with drinks and distributed to supermarkets, with the figure for the UK people using the recycled ones presenting 74%

Eddy Suaib - Mentor IELTS Founder English Studio Indonesia

Silahkan dibaca baik-baik contoh di atas, jika ada ditanyakan, silahkan DM saya di Instagram: @eddysuaib / INSTAGRAM ENGLISH STUDIO: @englishstudio

Dan jika kamu tertarik mengikuti kelas IELTS ONLINE via Whatsapp saya, silahkan kontak ke 0813.1818.6060 atau kunjungi website  ENGLISH STUDIO INDONESIA

ESSAY IELTS TASK 2: Cause and Problem - Get into debt by buying things

Question: Some people get into debt by buying things they do not need and are unable to afford. What are the reason for this behaviour? What action can be taken to prevent people from having this problem? 

read my sample essay: 

Several people are unable to pay for their purchases, leading them to buy items that they do not need. Therefore, I believe the main cause of this issue is advertising, and imposing strict regulations on advertising is a viable solution. 

 Advertising has led many people into debt as its influence thoroughly persuades them to purchase unaffordable items, resulting in stress. In other words, bombarding social media trends through advertising prompts impulsive buying without consideration of one's financial situation, leading individuals to spend money they may not have. This consistently frustrates them day and night across all social media platforms installed on their devices. For example, housewives living in major ASEAN cities have increased their monthly expenditures over the last three years due to the products advertised on their mobile phones. 

 How can this problem be addressed? One viable solution is to implement stricter regulations on advertising to prevent people from being unduly influenced. Put simply, when advertisements provide transparent and accurate information about products or services, consumers are less likely to be swayed by false promises or claims. This can be achieved by imposing limits on the frequency and volume of advertisements, especially on digital platforms, to prevent overwhelming consumers and mitigate the risk of impulsive buying. Evidence suggests that in certain parts of European countries, advertising cannot disseminate information freely without government oversight, aimed at protecting consumers from misleading information. 

 In conclusion, excessive advertising has burdened many people with debt due to their tendency to buy items they cannot afford. This habit can be effectively tackled by implementing comprehensive regulations on advertising. Ideally, individuals should become more financially literate and prudent in their spending habits, which can be achieved through education and awareness initiatives.

Eddy Suaib - Mentor IELTS Founder English Studio Indonesia

Silahkan dibaca baik-baik contoh di atas, jika ada ditanyakan, silahkan DM saya di Instagram: @eddysuaib / INSTAGRAM ENGLISH STUDIO: @englishstudio

Dan jika kamu tertarik mengikuti kelas IELTS ONLINE via Whatsapp saya, silahkan kontak ke 0813.1818.6060 atau kunjungi website  ENGLISH STUDIO INDONESIA

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Introduction dan Conclusion IELTS Writing Task 2 - Both Views

Banyak cara yang dilakukan untuk menyelesaikan Introduction dan Conclusion. Saat mengajar di English Studio, saya sering mengingatkan siswa saya untuk memperjelas IDEA yang mereka kemukakan sejak awal, yaitu di kalimat pembuka. Dan tidak hanya sampai sini saja. Mengulang kembali menuliskan IDEA untuk menegaskan poin utama, selalu saya sarankan ditempatkan saat di sesi Conclusion. 

Berikut step-by-step menulis Introduction and Conclusion IELTS Writing Task 2 di English Studio Kampung Inggris 

1/ Essay - BOTH VIEWS

Question: 

Some people believe that studying at university or college is the best route to a successful career, while others believe that it is better to get a job straight after school. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

HOW TO WRITE INTRODUCTION? 

STEP 1: Finding the keywords

View 1: studying at university or college is the best route to a successful career

View 2: getting a job straight after school.

STEP 2: Generating ideas/positions

View 1: studying at university or college is the best route to a successful career

Why? - your position here:  academic qualifications

View 2: getting a job straight after school.

Why? - your position here:  earning money

STEP 3: Paraphrase

• Change the word

• Change the order (flexibility)

• Put them together

INTRODUCTION 

When they finish school, teenagers face the dilemma to get a job or continue their education. While getting a job helps them to earn money, I would argue going to college or university for academic qualifications is the best choice

HOW TO WRITE CONCLUSION?

STEP 1: Use the sign of the concluding paragraph

In conclusion, 

STEP 2: Restate the introduction

In conclusion, although earning money can be the reason why some students prefer to get a job after school graduation, I think that qualifications from the university or college might be the best route for their career. 

STEP 3: 

• Leave any suggestion or warning

• Put them together

In conclusion, although earning money can be the reason why some students prefer to get a job after school graduation, I think that qualifications from the university or college might be the best route for their career. Where possible, it seems to me that students are more likely to be successful in their careers if they continue their studies beyond school level while having part-time job

—————————

Question: 

Some people believe that studying at university or college is the best route to a successful career, while others believe that it is better to get a job straight after school. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

When they finish school, teenagers face the dilemma to get a job or continue their education. While getting a job helps them to earn money, I would argue going to college or university for academic qualifications is the best choice

Body paragraph 1: ……………

Body paragraph 2: ……………

In conclusion, although earning money can be the reason why some students prefer to get a job after school graduation, I think that qualifications from the university or college might be the best route for their career. Where possible, it seems to me that students are more likely to be successful in their careers if they continue their studies beyond school level while having part-time job

Eddy Suaib - Mentor IELTS Founder English Studio Indonesia

Silahkan dibaca baik-baik contoh di atas, jika ada ditanyakan, silahkan DM saya di Instagram: @eddysuaib / INSTAGRAM ENGLISH STUDIO: @englishstudio

Dan jika kamu tertarik mengikuti kelas IELTS ONLINE via Whatsapp saya, silahkan kontak ke 0813.1818.6060 atau kunjungi website  ENGLISH STUDIO INDONESIA